By Shah Khan, Ph.D.
ش ر ور أ ن ف س ن ا و م ن ل ل ھ و م ن ی ض ل ل ف لا ھ اد ي ل ھ و أ ش ھ د أ ن ھ د أ ن م ح مد ا ع ب د ه و ر س ول ھ The topic of Husband-Wife relationship in a marriage is of very important aspect in social life. A man is incomplete without a spouse. Marriage is the beginning of a new family life and the spouse may either make heaven or hell for a person in this world or in Akhira. Marriage is all about trust from the very beginning. 1200 years before Europe and the west even began to discuss women's rights, the rights of husbands and wives were discussed in Quran and presented by Prophet Mohammed (saw) peace be upon him. Quran has given very comprehensive details of creation of a spouse for man and their relationship. A Muslim should look for answers in the light of Quran, understand and implement in life.
What are we doing for Tomorrow? ی ا أ ی ھ ا ال ذ ین آم ن وا و ل ت نظ ر ن ف س ما ق د م ت ل غ د م ل ون O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow - and fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do. (AlHashr;59:18) نس اھ م أ نف س ھ م أ ول ي ك ھ م ال ف اس ق و ن And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.(59:19) In this Ayat Allah is addressing believers and is saying fear Allah twice. We therefore need to pay extra attention, because he is directly addressing Muslims. While we are living here in this world our eyes should be @ Jannah, because when we are up there, Allah will ask us to look back to see what we did in this Duniya. Look forward to Look Backward. Every action we do, whether it is with parents, In-laws, spouse, children, we are accountable for it on the Day of Judgment. Always keep this Ayat in mind
Allah SWT Created Wife for Adam AS و ق ل ن ا ی ا آد م اس ك ن أ نت و ز و ج ك ال جن ة و ك لا م ن ھ ا ر غ د ا ح ی ش ي ت م ا و لا ت ق ر ب ا ھ ذ ه ال شج ر ة ف ت ك ون ا م ن ال ظال م ی ن ث And We said, "O Adam, dwell, you and your wife, in Paradise and eat there from in [ease &] abundance from wherever you will. But do not approach this tree, lest you be among the wrongdoers. (Baqrah, 2:35) When Allah created Adam (AS) and before He causing him to enter Jannah, He created Hawa as his partner. Allah knows what Adam wants and wants on his side. When the two of them existed He told both to enter Jannah and eat and drink and be Merry. This shows that Adam AS could not enjoy even Jannah without Hawwa. This is romantic benefit of the story of Adam.
Allah created mates for all creations و م ن ك ل ش ي ء خ ل ق ن ا ز و ج ی ن ل ع ل ك م ت ذ كر و ن And of all things We created two mates (male and female); perhaps you will remember. (Ad Dhariyat, 51:49) ی ا أ ی ھ ا الن اس ات ق وا ر ب ك م ال ذ ي خ ل ق ك م م ن ن ف س و ا ح د ة و خ ل ق م ن ھ ا ز و ج ھ ا و ب ث م ن ھ م ا ر ج الا ك ث یر ا و ن س اء O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women.(an Nisa;4:1) Allah swt could have made all the creations of a single sex. But he created mates for all the living creations including humans, animals and plants So that we enjoy, love and propagate or reproduce. How should we be treating our wives, when Adam AS could not enjoy even Jannah (the best place in the universe), without his wife,hawa? And Allah SWT is saying that We are all created from a single soul, so what is our obligation to each other?
Allah Created Mates for Tranquility, Love & Mercy One of His signs or Miracles is that He created Women as a gift to man from Allah (SWT). و م ن آی ات ھ أ ن خ ل ق ل ك م م ن أ ن ف س ك م أ ز و اج ا ل ت سك ن وا إ ل ی ھ ا و ج ع ل ب ی ن ك م مو د ة و ر ح م ة إ ن ف ي ذ ل ك لا ی ات ل ق و م ی ت ف كر و ن And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (Ar-Rum, 30:21) Ayat means His sign or Miracle i.e. something huge/big for humans Allah SWT Himself is saying that women are created from ourselves, so that we find ل ت س ك ن و i.e. Sukoon peace and tranquility in them. And of course He placed Affection and Mercy between husband and wife. This Ayat also tells how we should be dealing with our wives, With love and mercy. May Allah swt help us achieve harmony and increase love and mercy among spouses.
What is love in Islam Love is not something to joke or laugh about or taken lightly. It is one of the miraculous signs of Allah و م ن آی ات ھ SWT. Messenger Mohammed SAW speaking about his wife Khadija (RA) said, verily, I was blessed with love for her. (Muslim). Therefore those who find love are the ones blessed by Allah. If you want to know how to love your spouse, study the life of Prophet (SAW)
What Quran says about treatment of wife و آت وا الن س اء ص د ق ات ھ ن ن ح ل ة And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. (An Nisa 4:4) And live with them in kindness (Nisa; 4:19) و ع اش ر وھ ن ب ال م ع ر وف ھ ن ل ب اس ل ك م و أ نت م ل ب اس ل ھ ن Allah says, They are garment to you and you are garment for them. (Baqarah;2:187) Both husband and wife are supposed to cover and protect each other in every aspect of Deen and Duniya. For example making sure each other never miss Salat, and always help each other in daily chores. Cover each other in all aspects of life. Prophet Muhammad SAW said: I command you to be good to women. And The best among you are those who are best to their wives. Abu Huraira narrated that Allah s messenger said the most complete of the believers in faith is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are the best to your women. (Tirmidhi, 2:1162)
و ھ و ال ذ ي خ ل ق م ن ال م اء ب ش ر ا ف ج ع ل ھ و ص ھ ر ا ن س ب ا Islamic Family & its Structure Two important facts of marriage And it is He who has created from water a human being and made (for) him [a relative by] blood & marriage. (al-furqan 25:54) Relatives Blood (Parents, brothers, sisters, etc) Marriage (wife/husband, children, in-laws, etc) Respect and maintain balance between both. و ل ھ ن م ث ل ال ذ ي ع ل ی ھ ن ب ال م ع روف و ل لر ج ال ع ل ی ھ ن د ر ج ة And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them to what is reasonable, but men have a degree above them (in responsibility & authority). Allah is Mighty, Wise. (Baqrah,2:228) Allah s Rule : Man is responsible for the family And head of household What Man needs? RESPECT from wife What Woman needs? REASURANCE of TRUST, LOVE, PROTECTION from husband
و م ن آی ات ھ أ ن خ ل ق ل ك م م ن أ نف س ك م أ ز و اج ا ل ت س ك ن وا إ ل یھ ا ب ی ن ك م مو د ة و ر ح م ة إ ن ف ي ذ ل ك لا ی ات ل ق و م ی ت ف ك رو ن و ج ع ل When Love Diminishes And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (Ar-Rum, 30:21) What happens when the love diminishes? Allah says have Mercy LOVE MERCY When there is conflict between husband & wife and situation comes to divorce. Allah says و إ ن خ ف ت م ش ق اق ب ی ن ھ م ا ف اب ع ث وا ح ك م ا م ن أ ھ ل ھ و ح ك م ا م ن أ ھ ل ھ ا ب یر ا And if you fear dissension (conflict) between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted (An-Nisa,4:35) If there is conflict, Allah recommends both husband & wife communicate & desire from their heart to reconcile. Allah then Guarantees that He will make it happen.
ی ا أ ی ھ ا الن اس ات ق وا ر ب ك م ال ذ ي خ ل ق كم م ن ن ف س و اح د ة و خ ل ق م نھ ا ز و ج ھ ا و ب ث م ن ھ م ا ر ج الا ك ث یر ا و ن س اء ال ذ ي ت س اء ل ون ب ھ و الا ر ح ام O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer. (An Nisa, 4:1) ات ھ و لا ت م وت ن إ لا و أ نت م مس ل م و ن O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims. (Al Imran, 3:102) و لا س د ید ا O you who have believed, fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice ی ص ل ح ل ك م أ ع م ال ك م و ی غ ف ر ل ك م ذ ن وب ك م و ز ا ع ظ یم ا Taqwa of Allah & Respet of Wombs Verses Recited at the time of Nikah He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment.(al Azhab 33:70-71)
The most horrible Halal thing: Prophet SAW said "Of all the lawful acts the most hateful to Allah is divorce." Reasons for Divorce: In Laws, Adultery (affair) online or offline, Incompatibility, Unrealistic expectations, Abuse, Money, Lack of Compromise. Before marriage Shaitan lures you into meeting girls and into dating. When you marry the girl you liked before marriage, Shaitan makes a 180* turn and pushes you into adultery, leading to divorce. Divorce not only breaks a relationship, but also devastates the children, destroys the family and overall the society. Have some Ts with your Spouse: Taqwa: Fulfilling your duties of Allah Trust eahother, give free space to eachother, don t spy or give reason to doubt you. Time: Maximize spending time with family, with one another Tongue: Always say kindest words, respectful. Never be hurtful or vulgar Temper: Control your temper Talk: Communicate with each other, otherwise it destroys Truthful: Always speak the truth. Tolerant: Be polite and never get upset on simple issues, let other give their opinions. Thanks: Have gratitude and say good words Thoughtful / Tactful: Never be blunt Troublemakers: Don t be a troublemaker and stay away from those who are troublemakers Technology: use for benefit not to waste time Tahajud: Keeps Shaitan away I pray to Allah to help us all to recite, understand and implement Quran in our lives.